I don't like or dislike being single...it's just kind of how things are right now. I can say I have enjoyed coming into my own and figuring out who I really am and what I really want. It took a few years, and I'm glad I did that without having a man in the picture. But now I want one. I don't want to have children after age 32, and I want to be married first, so I have to find a man soon!
So why am I still single? And why aren't I dating? Money...it's my ultimate excuse for everything!
In my opinion, I really can't afford to date because I don't have the money to buy the clothes and accessories needed when trying to get attention. My wardrobe is sparse. I've pretty much had the same clothes for the past few years, and they are getting worn out. So when I do get the funds to update my attire, "date clothes" will probably be my last priority because I'll need to replace my old work attire first.
I'm also the kind of girl who will never expect a man to pay for me. I like the idea of having enough money in my wallet just in case my date and I decide to go dutch. But since my budget is tighter than a pair of skinny jeans (a cute fashion item I don't know, by the way), I don't have an "emergency dutch fund," and I probably won't date until I do.
Money has been my excuse for everything, and I don't know how to get around that. But I'd really like to start dating...any suggestions?
First, ditch the idea that you have to be able to go dutch "just in case". Any man you date should either know enough about you to know your a single mom (and be smart enough to realize that means you're on a tight budget), or if he doesn't, should expect to pay for you anyway. I don't think its crazy to expect that if a man asks you out, he wants to take you out (read: pay).
ReplyDeleteYou've accepted that in your current position in life, you're not rollin' in excess funds, and so you should also realize that other people accept that about you, too. Your life is what it is right now, budget and all. You have a lot to offer and not having money to burn doesn't take away from that. So, hopefully you can find a way to allow yourself to presume you will not have to pull out a nearly-maxed-out credit card after a date, or a way to bring it up with that guy ahead of time to make sure you're on the same page.
As for the clothes - yes, a few new items in your closet will make you feel more confident and they (along with the confidence) may help get that attention, but years from now when you're married to mister right, I doubt he's going to say that the super stylish top or shiny earrings were the thing that caught his eye.... ;) However, I do totally get this and I feel the same way. When I do buy myself something, its only out of necessity and its usually for work.
So, borrow from friends, organize or attend a clothing swap, and spend time browsing consignment and thrift shops. Allow yourself one non-work and non-mommy item per payday (or month, or whatever you can afford).
Don't wait to date until you have X amount of money saved or a closet full of new fashion, get out there now with what you have and all of the pieces will fall into place if you make it a priority.
Good luck and I hope to hear about your dating life soon!
Thanks for the comments. I totally get what you are saying, but I definitely need some clothes to boost my confidence. And I hope to be able to write about my dating life soon, too! :)
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